He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
