Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
