Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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