Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He better not be in your backpack
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
