this beer tastes like vomit already
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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