I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
