please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize