it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't deserve a penis
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
