I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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