its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So drunk its hurt
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize