Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize