I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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