I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
