i just sent this text using only my big toe
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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