I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
