White coat. Heels.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
