either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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