there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
