ugly people sure do ruin things
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
