You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
