she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize