She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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