Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
