My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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