Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
