were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
