I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize