I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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