those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I could fuck to npr.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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