Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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