I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
