woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
