Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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