Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
