Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
