I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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