Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
