Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
