Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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