Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
