I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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