Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
