I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
