Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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