Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
