you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
