He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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