My hand turned me down
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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