Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
