Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
