my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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