low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My life is pants optional.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize