When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
