College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
