I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize