He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
