I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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