At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
