Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
soo... how was my night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
try to milk me bitch
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