Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
