See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
