you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
