actually, I'm a sock model
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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