You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
