You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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