I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
