loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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