I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
