Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
bring money and cleavage
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
