It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
