That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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