I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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