No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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