in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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