I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
