I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize