hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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