I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
