**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
