it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
