I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just had sex on a roof
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
