12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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