i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize