i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
