I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize