one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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