OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
