A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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