a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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