Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
God, I missed his penis.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
