i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
