Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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