Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
