i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
