Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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