I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
