I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
