I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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