she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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