It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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