Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
