I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
