she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
