just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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