is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
