I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize