this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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