Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
