I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
