I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it glows. i had to have it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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