It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
