I'm gonna have a badass scar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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